Messy Lives
by FaithinBones
Summary: At their wedding reception, Booth and Brennan talk about the letter she wrote when she'd been kidnapped by the Gravedigger.


(The Woman in White)

I got this idea from becauseyoulovemebb. I hope you enjoy it.

I don't own Bones.

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His dream had finally come true. He was married and to the woman he most adored in the world. Booth had been in love with her for a long time, but due to her fears and his fears as well, they had taken a long trip to get to their final destination. Who would have dreamed that it would be possible that they would ever arrive at their destination considering all of the obstacles that been placed between them since the very beginning of their partnership and yet here they were.

She was dancing with her father and Booth's heart seemed to swell with pride watching her. She'd changed and so had he and those changes had led up to this point. Like Brennan had said, this is the time and this is the place.

The dance finished, Brennan slowly walked across the dance floor towards her husband. That word was still new in her mind and it was going to take a lot of getting used to. Husband.

She had fought so long against the idea of love and marriage and here she was, married to her best friend. It boggled the mind sometimes how things worked out. Up until she was thirty years old, she'd had few friends and no one that really loved her or at least claimed to. Her family was gone, the only friend she had was Angela and most of the time she felt like a gooseling placed with a bunch of ducklings and told to behave like the ducklings. It seemed she would always be alone and forced into awkward social settings that made no sense to her. She'd loved her job, she loved the fact that she could give closure to those families that needed it, but she herself hadn't had the closure she needed and before she met Booth, she thought she never would.

She had learned to trust Booth and that trust had meant she could ask him to look into the disappearance of her family. That decision had eventually had a domino effect and in the end she had been reconnected with her family. Booth was the lynchpin in her story. Even if he didn't see it, she did see it and she valued her relationship with him above all others.

He held his hand out and took her hand in his as she came up to stand in front of him. "Hey, why the sad look, Bones." She sat down and he rubbed the top of her hand while it lay in the palm of his hand. "Are you . . . are all right? Are you having second thoughts about the wedding?"

Appalled that he would even consider such an idea, Brennan squeezed his hand. "Of course not. We're married, Booth. There is no going back now. I'm committed to you . . . I love you."

His throat became tight with emotion and for a few seconds he was unable to speak. "I love you too, Bones. This is right. This is us."

Brennan smiled and continued to hold his hand. It felt so right. She was married to a man she loved and appreciated. He wasn't perfect by any definition, but in a way he was perfect to her. Yes he had a temper, but she knew he was passionate and she didn't fear that passion. He was kind and considerate and he loved her so much. Never in her wildest dreams did she ever think that she would ever commit to anyone let alone marry them. Those kinds of dreams had been beyond her reach and yet they weren't. She had once written a story while she waited for Booth to wake from a coma where she had dreamed of just such a life with him, but she had always thought that was just a fiction. There had been no hope of that actually happening.

The sad look was back on her face and that worried Booth. He wasn't sure what was going on, but it was their wedding day and he wanted her to be as happy as he was. "Bones you're worrying me. What's wrong?"

She knew she was spoiling his happy moment and she tried to smile for him. "Nothing's wrong Booth. I've just been thinking about how this all seems so impossible and yet it isn't. It's . . . it's not the future I thought I'd ever have."

Booth knew what she meant. He had given up on having a normal life a long time ago, but he had always hoped he would find someone to share his life with. The fact that he had met that person and it had taken them seven years was a little daunting when he thought about it. From the moment he'd seen her in that lecture hall, he'd been attracted to her. Sometimes he told himself that he had fallen in love with her the moment he'd seen her. He didn't know if that was actually true or not, but did it matter? He had loved her for a long time and she was his now. She was his and he was hers. "Bones, when you read your letter to me during the ceremony, you said that when you and Hodgins were buried you each wrote a letter to someone you loved just in case your bodies were ever found . . . Bones, was I really the one you loved? I mean, it just seems like there should have been more people in your life that you loved . . . like Zach and . . . your brother or . . . That time was so long ago, but I thought . . . well we were friends, probably best friends, but . . . you only loved me?"

He was confused and she knew why. "At that time, I only had two people in my life that I could count on Booth. Angela and you . . . I know I've told you many times in the past that I don't believe in love, but in a way I have loved you for a long time. When I thought of love, I just thought of it as a degree of like I suppose. I believed that love is a mixture of chemicals and pheromones. It's an overload of neurotransmitters. It usually lasts less than a year."

Uncomfortable with her break down of what love was, Booth shook his head. "Bones . . ."

"That is what I used to believe, Booth." She could tell she had upset him, but she needed to talk to him about how she was feeling. "Phase two of the feeling we call love involves the production of oxytocin and vasopressin and it evolves in to long term attachments or it fails and you start over with someone else. Up until I'd met you, I'd never reached phase two with anyone. I never wanted to be attached to anyone because that would have given the other person power over my happiness. My parents and Russ . . . My early childhood was filled with love and then one day I woke up and it was gone . . . I had no one Booth. No one cared if I lived or died. No one cared if I was happy or not. It was the way it was."

He wanted to assure her, but he knew that she was trying to tell him something important in her squinty fashion. He decided to be patient and let her get to where she was going in her way. He squeezed her hand and remained silent.

Surprised that he was quiet, Brennan felt that he knew how important this was. "When I was buried with Hodgins there was no one in this world that I thought loved me. I knew you liked me as a friend and I hoped you loved me as a friend, but I wasn't sure . . . I did love you. I was attached to you. It confused me sometimes because I wasn't reacting the way someone who loves someone is supposed to behave. It seemed that I skipped phase one of love completely. I went from toleration, to friendship, to attachment. We had been partners for about two years and I was attached to you."

She wasn't sure she was making sense, but she continued anyway. "At the time, I didn't want to call it love, because . . . well, I didn't believe that love was real, but I guess deep down I did believe it was love because when Hodgins suggested we write a letter to someone we loved, I immediately thought of you. There was no one else in my life that I loved or that I thought loved me, so I wrote my letter to you. You were my loved on. I knew that if there was anyone in this world that would miss me, that person would be you."

Brennan laughed. "You confused me a lot, Booth. You and I are nothing alike. You are ruled by your emotions and I'm not . . . well maybe a little, but not as much as you. You have a . . . you want to believe in the impossible and that alone should keep us apart, but your belief in the impossible is what eventually drew me to you. You believed in us before I did. I loved you, but I never thought there would be an us. I thought we would be friends perhaps for the rest of our lives, but I never thought that we be more than that. It was you, outside the Hoover . . . you woke up the possibility. When you asked me to take a chance, I was so afraid. I didn't see how we could commit together when we were so different. I loved you, Booth. I loved you and I was so afraid to admit that because I was afraid that I could never return the love you needed. You deserve to be loved, Booth. You always have and I didn't think I could give you that love."

He saw the tears slide down her cheeks and he wanted to help her, but he wasn't sure if she had said everything that she wanted to say. She was so unsure about herself even now when it came to emotions and he didn't want to do anything, say anything that would make her think he doubted her love of him. "You have a big heart, Bones. You always have. You just didn't understand that fact."

His words were so quiet she almost didn't hear them because of the music surrounding them, but she did hear them and she appreciated them. "Your confession outside the Hoover was unexpected. I knew you liked me and perhaps loved me as friends do, but . . . you wanted an intimate relationship and I wasn't prepared, but you created a spark of hope. There was a lot of doubt, but there was also that spark and during the Lauren Eames case, I had an epiphany. That spark became a flame, but there you were, attached to someone else and I thought my flame would only burn for me . . . you do make my life messy and confusing Booth, but I wouldn't trade anything away. Everything that has happened between us led to this moment in time. Nine years ago I loved no one and no one loved me. Seven years ago, I love you and there was no one else in the world that I could say that about. No one Booth . . . now I have you and Christine, Max and Russ . . . Parker, Angela, Hodgins and Michael Vincent . . . there are a lot of people I love in this world Booth and it's because of you. Meeting you was a catalyst I couldn't foresee . . . our love is irrational and wonderful. I knew it when I wrote the letter and I know it now."

Filled with love for her, Booth stood up and pulled her to her feet and into his embrace. "The best thing that ever happened to me was meeting you, Bones. It's been a wild ride, but we got here and this is where I want to be. You are never going to be alone again. You may have not have had anyone to love you nine years ago, but you do now. I love you so much and . . . yes, our lives are messy and it's irrational, but it is wonderful and I hope you see that this is who and what we are. Our lives are always going to be messy, but that doesn't matter. It doesn't matter at all."

She knew he was right. "I like messy, Booth. I love messy because of you."

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Let me know what you think of my story. Thank you.


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